Acceptance

In her book Your Resonant Self, Sarah Peyton makes the extraordinary assertion that some people’s default inner voice gives them ongoing emotional warmth. For those of us who did not have emotionally warm parents in the past, nor an emotionally warm partner in the present, it would be wonderful to be able to access emotional… Read More

It is painfully easy to blame our own bodies for trauma we endure. Perhaps if we had looked or acted differently, the trauma would not have happened. Afterwards, we want the body to just get over it instead of needing a long healing process. We disconnect from our bodies, and then feel surprised and betrayed… Read More

Our limits are part of being an embodied human mammal. We need rest, food, drink, and comfort at regular intervals to stay in balance. We can ignore those needs for a while, but there is a mounting cost to our well-being the longer we set them aside. Paying attention to our limits, like our sensitivities,… Read More

Written for the anthology We Have Come Far: Shared wisdom from survivors of extreme trauma edited by Ani Rose Whaleswan, 2014. When I started healing from abuse, I was a grad student. After many years in school, I knew all about graduation requirements, prerequisites, and homework assignments. I tackled the project with youthful enthusiasm. Surely,… Read More

When my friends entrust their two-month-old daughter to my arms, I feel instinctively, physically protective. My body wants to curl around her to keep her safe and well. I feel emotionally protective of people I mentor, wanting to metaphorically spread my arms wide and shield them from politics and ill-will. Feeling protective of them does… Read More

Have you thought about the finish line of your healing process? What would it take to declare yourself healed? What conscious and subconscious standards do you set for self-approval and time to rest in the present? Do you compare your insides to other people’s outsides? It is easy to believe that we have to keep… Read More

The question of “Why?” weaves over and under and through all the other reactions to trauma. Why did that happen? Why did it happen to me? Why didn’t anyone help? Why couldn’t I change it? “Why?” engages our spiritual beliefs about the world and our own worth. If we believe in a Higher Power, we… Read More

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point… Read More

When first remembering childhood abuse, many survivors mourn the loss of a “normal” past. Mainstream media sells us a vision of what our lives should be, and convinces us we are less-than if our lives are different. Even if we live in a home that embraces difference, we may feel shame when we venture outside…. Read More

Beatrice’s reaction to hearing, “You’re controlling!” depends on her beliefs and assumptions. If she believes that controlling people are abusive and bad, she will react defensively, at least in the privacy of her mind. “I am not!” “No, you are!” “I don’t like you.” “If you think I’m controlling, there’s something wrong with me.” On… Read More