Self-Trust

When I check in with a new client about how their body feels about being on the table, they often report that they feel tense, guarded, wary. Their body is still gathering information about whether this new environment is safe, and they are not yet ready to trust my good intentions. For some clients, it… Read More

Each infant is born with a full-body knowing that they are entitled to nourishment, shelter, rest, and loving contact. Each baby vigorously pursues their wants with all the resources at their disposal, crying, reaching out, and turning away when they have had enough. Their caretaker’s task is to provide for those needs. Unless they have… Read More

When my friend tells me about her cancer diagnosis, I immediately ask what I can do to help. I know about Susan Silk’s ring theory for crises. You draw a bunch of concentric circles with the person in crisis at the center, people closest to them in the next ring, and less close people in… Read More

Intentional gaslighting, the overtly abusive kind, can be more intense and severe, but everyday gaslighting is more insidious, permeating our social environment and sneaking inside our heads. “I’d like a late afternoon appointment.” The dentist receptionist responds, “How about 10am on Thursday.” “No, I’d like a late afternoon appointment.” “How about 1pm next Tuesday.” I… Read More

Serenity Prayer Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference. — Reinhold Niebuhr Locus of control is a psychological term for our beliefs about who controls the events in our lives. It can be internal (we have… Read More

Josie wants to cut off contact with a family friend. He sexually assaulted her long ago. Even though he has behaved courteously since then, she has never felt comfortable around him. She wrestles with how to tell her partner and son, preemptively arguing with expected objections. Her partner is usually supportive, but their 15-year old… Read More

Traumas often repeat across generations, sometimes despite our best efforts to take a different path. When we find ourselves repeating a pattern, we can acknowledge our frustration and treat ourselves with kindness. Resilience also repeats across generations as survivors teach their strengths through stories and behavior. Resilience is: Ability to recover from shock or injury…. Read More

Our commitments are both privately entwined with our core values and publicly announced by our relationships and actions. The pledges we make to others and ourselves form a large part of our identity. Even though we think of commitments as fixed, all but the deepest commitments can change in response to changing circumstances. Commitments vary… Read More

In the movie Gaslight, Gregory sets out to convince his wife Paula that she is insane. He secretly removes items from their home and tells her she did it. He isolates her from others. He uses her growing distress to “prove” she is unstable. When she notices the gas lights in their home dim and… Read More

Take a moment to notice your current experience. How do you feel? What thoughts are running through your mind? What sensations does your body report? Many of us jump directly to evaluation and problem-solving in response to our current experience. We may not be aware of other options, or we may believe constant self-improvement is… Read More