Hard Times

Being stuck can feel like being cornered with nowhere else to run, or struggling under a heavy weight, or sitting at the bottom of an empty well looking up at an impossibly distant light. What is your experience of being stuck? You are not alone Being stuck could be emotionally neutral. “I don’t know what… Read More

Most trauma has spiritual implications. “Why was I hurt?” “Why wasn’t I protected?” “Do I deserve to have bad things happen?” It is agonizing to believe that Spirit (God, Goddess, Allah, Elohim, the Grandmothers, the Universe, your Higher Power, your Deep Self, etc.) endorses the pain you endure. Survivors of spiritual abuse contend with a… Read More

Ahmed hesitated. Since the car crash a year ago, he feels nervous as a passenger. “Last time I caught a ride with you, you didn’t slow down when I asked.” His friend Ethan responded, “Trust me! You worry too much. Let’s go, we’ll be late.” Ahmed recognized several red flags for manipulation in addition to… Read More

Double binds are used to display power and gain control over others. They occur in daily life and also in extreme abuse. Victims often feel confusion, rage, and despair at their entrapment and apparent lack of options. You can effectively counter double binds by taking a step back and releasing your feelings, fully describing the… Read More

When I told people I had just broken up with my abusive girlfriend, several people responded, “Have you looked at your part?” Since I had been tormenting myself for months doing nothing else, the question left me speechless. More appropriate responses to the news would have been, “How are you feeling?” or “I’m so sorry… Read More

Not again! Despite your best efforts, your fiercest pattern has you in its claws. Your current relationship is turning out just like the last three, or your bank account is empty, or some other area of your life is in complete disarray. In that moment of grim recognition, your Inner Critic piles on the shame… Read More

Criticizing one’s mother is usually seen as both cliché and taboo. When someone does speak up, the responses often focus on analyzing or defending the mother, while neglecting the adult child’s feelings once again. This article looks at good-enough mothering, the effects of neglectful mothering, and the path to healing through learning to grieve. Wound… Read More

Emotional abuse can be as obvious as name-calling and raging, or it can be so subtle you spend days wondering why you feel so bad. It can happen between intimate partners, parent and child, teacher and student, boss and employee, siblings, co-workers, friends, strangers, any time people are interacting. Usually, but not always, the person… Read More